女人该懂的

当跟他在一起时
他希望我去上班或出门常打扮自己 好让自己更加自信
可是我却天真以为只要他爱我就不会介意这些
我错了 就算跟一个人在一起很久也要时时刻刻打扮自己
现在的社会都是现实的
如果不好好打扮自己 让自己越来越胖 只会被嫌弃

现在的我做到了
每天上班打扮自己 出门一定要穿得得体
可是又如何？谁又懂得欣赏？
不过至少让我比较自信

最近。。。

最近觉得我几乎被自己征服了
慢慢可以控制自己该走的路
控制自己的情绪和想法
也很少再做有关他的梦
很少一醒来就想消失的情绪

也许我心里已经接受这个事实
接受他爱上她的事实
接受他不爱我的事实
接受我们已经分手的事实

好不容易来到第二个阶段
我花了快三个月才从第一个阶段来到第二个阶段
我还需要多久才到第三个阶段
我想要move on
还想要重拾对感情的信心
还要让自己看开
我需要很多很多的努力来让自己完全康复
而你 又曾了解我的痛楚？

我爱我自己 所以我想尽办法让自己快乐
虽然有时不是真正的快乐
而这世上又有多少个人是真正，不用伪装地快乐呢？
每个人都在戴着面具而活
无论是工作，友情，爱情还是生活技巧
就算在家人面前还是要戴着面具，假装没事，假装很快乐
唯独这样才能使身边的人都快乐

我人生的新目标是做完美的人
虽然是个无法完成的目标可是它会是个很好的动力
还有一个目标就是让身边的人快乐
因为伤心和痛苦是个非常让人想离开这世界的感觉
我不想我身边的人受着我所经历的痛

我很佩服自己 竟然可以超越自我
成为现在的这个自己
一个人也可以很快乐 只是还是会寂寞
虽然很寂寞孤单 遇到难题和挫折也没有人可以分享 只能自己掉泪，解决
可是至少不会受到伤害，不会经历那种拥有了却失去了的感觉
痛，是因为最心爱的东西被一个后来才出现的人抢走
那种感觉是身不如死

爱情都是这样的
一开始很爱很爱 最后一定会淡去
那我们又何必谈恋爱呢？
那只是在浪费时间浪费精神
不是吗？

犀利人妻是很好的激励性电视剧
蓝天蔚是个很好的推动者
这世界这么大 而我曾经看到却只有男朋友这么小的东西
我要多看看这世界 让自己变得更好
最好的报复就是成功 我想像谢安真一样让人敬佩

其实我很好奇
我以为看过犀利人妻的人就不会去破坏别人的感情
去当别人的小三 去抢别人的男人
原来不是每个人都可以领悟里面的痛
如果她能领悟 就不会在我们还在一起时跟他搞暧昧
他就像温瑞凡，过去的他和现在的他在比赛
不过他没那么严重 只是让我觉得他变得不一样了
虽然他总是不同意 可是不好意思，我相信女人的直觉

变心了就是变心了，就承认吧
不要再说什么我的错，我变了，我不信任你之类的
爱会变成恨，这句话是你教我的，现在我感受到了

分手后我们之间发生的事
有些我可以算了 有些我永远忘不了
就像是我人生的伤疤
永远都没办法磨灭

老天爷，我只希望我的努力会被您看到
也可以感受到我真心地改变
我诚心希望我的下一任是我最后一任了
而且是个我爱他，他也很爱我的另一半
我要的幸福是那么地简单
我领悟了
也明白男人需要什么，不需要什么
我想让最后一个他觉得他得到我是最幸福，最正确的选择。

潘紫玫，加油！！

Betraying mentally is much more miserable than betraying physically

Recently I watch "The Fierce Wife"(犀利人妻) drama as my friend(who also his friend) suggested me to watch it.
He says it will be useful for me to get through this period.

Yes, I can understand. I, myself, also make this kind of mistake in my life.
A person who fall in love accidentally with someone else, will never ever realized the mistake, won't admit and eventually push the fault to the other half.
The person will find the other half getting more annoying, and find the girl who suddenly appeared in his/her life more attractive and understand him.

He/She will start finding excuses to love the new one, I know, it's not on purpose, people just follow their heart and forgotten the other half who always stood by them.
When a person loving two persons at same time, eventually he will choose the latter, cuz if he loved the first one, he wouldn't fall in love with the latter.

He wouldn't admit it forever. But I could feel it when I was tgt with him.
His eyes when looking at her, is different from looking at me, it's so much gentler, and also keep searching where she is during the award lunch.
His expression is so much happier and blissful when sms with her, travel with her in Phuket, hang out with her.
His worries about her when in JB, when she got molested in MRT, when she wanna take MRT back around 9pm++...and so forth...
His sharing of McDonald promotion with her, instead of with me..
He keeps sms-ing when dating with me, when I was just stand beside him..
He keeps mentioning her in front of me which I find it miserable..but he looked so happy..
He requested me wear formally to work which exactly same as how she wears, but for my job, I don't need this, cuz working in lab..He just couldn't understand..

There were so much changes after he worked. We used to be really sweet and innocent couple.
Maybe it's just one-sided love from the beginning.
I felt the happiness and his cares, maybe he couldn't?

From the drama, I realized too much concerns for someone is just another kind of stress to him.
Too good to someone will make him more take it for granted. He wouldn't appreciate.
People likes 新鲜感。But I totally disagree with this.
We should learn to accept simple n plain life after 热恋期,and be loyal to our other half
We should not keep pursuing 新鲜感，like that how to settle down? how to build a healthy family?
I just want a healthy and simple family like what I possess from my parents now.
Or maybe I am too picky, making myself suffer.
I always fall in love with someone who doesn't suitable for me and I couldn't make them love me deeply too.
Maybe I should really choose someone who loves me more than I do.

Love cannot be forced. Betray mentally is much more serious than betray physically.
Well, I experienced both in my previous two relationships.
Now I realized, betray mentally makes me much more miserable, cuz he wouldn't come back to me.
His love, his concerns, his worries, his gentleness, his everything, even his body, also belong to her.
Well, for betray physically, he still come back to me cuz he still love me, concerns me,worry about me.
But of course, I wouldn't forgive both.

My life is so "happening". Any kind of hurts also happen to me and make me experience it.
Betraying is too horrible. My heart couldn't take it anymore.
I just want a simple love and life. I could feel that I do really grew up from this hurtful relationship.
It's too much for me, really... Please, no more please...

I just wish to be happy...

寂寞寂寞就好

Yesterday I visited a friend at her condo, we went to gym together.
She chatted with me and gave me some advices.
After that we went for groceries shopping with her bf tgt.
When I walked halfway, my slippers spoilt.
Her bf was very nice, let me wore his slippers and he walked on feet.
She was very happy that her bf is a kind and good person.
After groceries shopping, 3 of us cooked together.
Both of them good at cooking, though they bickered sometimes,
but to me, they are a sweet couple.
How I wish I could also find my true love.
A guy who willing to cook with his loved one, is really a wonderful man.
QiuPing, congrats! You have found a nice man, cherish him.

After the meal, I went back alone around 10pm ++.
Waited bus alone, listened to the musics in my phone alone, and felt the loneliness once again.
寂寞寂寞就好。Yes, I always console myself with this.
I can stand with my loneliness, I don't mind doing things alone, I can be independent.
It's just I don't like the feeling of losing something important in my life, and now it's with someone else.
It makes me even more lonely when I am alone.

I have been trying hard to occupy my time fully.
I don't wish to have extra time to remember those sweet memories.
And also the mistakes that both of us done.
He was wrong, but so do I. I also did something regretful and unforgivable.
Well, I really wish to move on... but how?

指望

怕不怕被拒絕 怕不怕被省略
你怕不怕被淪落在宿命中妥協

當真愛宣告從缺
驕傲的玫瑰正一片一片枯萎
儘管你抱歉 懺悔
真心一旦墜跌 就不能飛

別指望我諒解 別指望我體會
愛不是點頭就能挽回
快樂或傷悲 沒什麼分別
心碎到終點會迎刃而解
別指望我諒解 別指望我體會
愛不是注定要填你的缺
太多的是非 來不及杜絕
更不想依戀這殘缺的美
殘缺的迂迴

Break Down Again

I am sick today, not feeling well.
Just went to see doctor alone, bought my lunch alone, walked alone, listened to the music alone...
Even though I also doing these when attached, but the feeling now is much more miserable
No one to share with, my tears, my joy, my sadness, any kind of my feeling.
Used to have him as my companion, but now he is no longer belongs to me but someone else.

Once again, I am shedding tears while eating porridge. It's tasteless and plain, just like my heart.
I have been living like this for more than one month.
How to get through all these? How I wish I can get over it right now and move on.
I'd been trying hard to hang out with friends, teach tuition, work, read, chat with friends etc
But seems like I could not escape from this agony

I'd been pretending I am fine without him in front of him.
He concerned me as a friend, shared with me his progress with her
Do u know HOW SUFFER AND MISERABLE AM I when I listened to all these and even gave him advices?
I was so dumb, when can I really love myself more than anyone else?
We were so steady and sweet, even get along with each other's family well, thought of getting married with him too.
I love him so much, I regret that I put too much effort in this relationship.

I am not a fool, even if he denied the fact forever, I still trust my intuition and the truth I saw.
When the girl took initiative to attract his attention, he should resist and should not give themselves any chances to develop the feeling if he really want to commit our relationship.

长痛不如短痛
If we were still dragging, I would be more miserable than now?
I have to be tactful all the times, be worrying about losing him everyday, dreamed of his leaving with another girl every night
Now, all these happened, nothing more for me to lose, and worry, should I see it as a positive thing?

Getting into a relationship is just too tired.
I have been hurt again and again..
Where is my Mr. Right in my life? If you appeared earlier, I wouldn't be so suffered right now as I wouldn't meet him and fall in love with him.
It's so hurtful.
Living in agony makes me doesn't feel like waking up anymore, don't want to talk and smile.

I want to gain back my REAL smile. But when..?

假裝不愛

原來假裝的感覺是如此痛苦 明明還很愛 卻為了彼此見面不尷尬而假裝不在乎不愛了 這種感覺是如此辛苦 以為真的會不在乎 可是得知他跟我分手後跟別的女人單獨約會 我就覺得自己很傻 對方已經不在乎我了 不愛我了 我還在這裏傷心幹嘛呢？他和別的女人多麽開心 哪還需要我 我像個傻瓜一直努力逞強 現在卻再一次崩潰 看到他把我們的relationship status拿掉了我就失望 徹底沒有希望了 我為何還抱希望。真是無知 如果他真的愛我就不會那麽輕易放棄我們的感情 請看清楚這一點。。。