Happiness+Tired

It's really unlucky these few days...Y i fall sick? sienz...Got a lot of stuffs have to be done...final exam is around the corner too...no time for me to rest n slack anymore. A few days ago, I just felt sore throat...I thought it was just a trivial prob...but one day later..I began to sneeze...then I got flu...half day later...my coughing started to annoy me...It's really irritating...I can feel my throat damn itchy but I can just do nth~ At night, my headache made me could not go to bed. These annoying illness torture me until now~ I planned to study and do book review today. No more slacking anymore. But I really dun have strength to do anything...just feel wanna lie on the bed for the rest of the day...my stomachache starts to torture me somemore...Am I that unlucky one? sigh~


Haiz...I broke le...$$$$$$$$$$$$$...no money for my 3 meals..I.always borrow from sis/bro...guilty...the expenses here is very high...haiz...a bit regret to waste so much money b4...damn sienz...sometimes feel wanna eat smth delicious...but no money~suddenly feel wanna eat megabite...it is just a simple meal rite? but I still dun have money 2 eat megabite...damn cui la~I tot I have time to do part-time job during my 3 months vacation...but i heard siew wei said we suppose to start costume jobs after our exam...no time to do part-time job le..i wanna give tuition le...wanna earn some pocket money...wanna survive for the rest of this sem!!


The situation seems turn to another way round...It's getting better...I can feel what is he thinking about clearly recently...and he seems know how 2 show his concerns d...It's rarely he done so many things..now he has changed to another person...lolx...very sweet too...but still a bit xx...lolx...nvm~ I also have my own weak point so I still can accept his weak point..really very xx lo...haha~after we got tgt, I can feel I also changed a lot...shud be changed to better? I hope so. No more kid-like behavior! but sometimes I still do it out of my control...However, I have tried to minimise it...hehe~






21st March is his birthday...I prepared some special gifts to him...That was also my first time to make stuffs by myself...cuz I used to BUY presents...seldom do by myself..LAZY! haha...so Bar Yong Lee, u r the lucky one ok! The photos above were the presents for his 22nd birthday~lolx...but the bigger photo frame accidentally fell onto the floor...so there are a few cracks on it...wuwuwuwu..heart pain pain...but nvm la..still can c our face clearly...hahaha~ hope our happiness can last as long as it could be...I hope can be lasting 4ever...Thanks for the happiness u giving to me..I feel very happy these few days...Thanks for doting on me and missing me...Thanks for the everything u done to me...

It's time to do something

I have thought carefully...I could not sleep ytd nite...where is the prob? am I suppose to do smth to improve myself~ I know I m not the perfect gal, there are still a lot of things I need to learn and explore~ As what others think abt me, I'm still a kid...seriously,I quite sad~ I m going to be 21 yrs old soon...going to be an adult...but y? y I'm still a kid? in some sense, I admit, honestly. immature...kid...all of these kind of words keep bothering me...I really wanna to be a better one, to be more mature, I did try my best, but I'm still failed ytd, and I did it without my intention. And I duno I have offend him cuz I said some childish stuffs in front of him. I duno I have agitated him. Am I really that stupid?

Actually, I want him can be happy everyday. I wanna bring joy and happiness to him and not anger. Both of us dun like 2 quarrel. Therefore, one of us will apologise 1st when we met some probs. I admit I m in fault most of the time. But I'm not that kind who dun wish to apologise if I were in fault. Everytime I admit my faults and seriously promised wanna kick these bad habits and also weak points which could be irritated him. when he was angry with me, I seriously care abt it so much. Cuz I cherish him and I wanna both of us get along well in peace. But so far, we din really quarrel actually, only argue over some matter.

I admit I always angry over some trivial matters. I m petty sort. I know my weak points. So I m doing my best to overcome this weak point and hope can be a better one FOR HIM. Love, is not a game. Since I have decided to take this boat, I will do my best to make myself safe in this boat forever. cuz keep changing the boat is quite tiring . He makes me feel wanna spend the rest of life with him. I know I say smth like this is really very stupid and 天真, but I really have this intention. He lights up my life. He makes me lead a different life. I never thought I could be not being pampered anymore. I never thought I willingly to sacrifice smth just for him. I'm always the passive one. But I will do smth special for him of my own accord. Love someone seriously can make myself and even him happy. When doing smth for the one u love, u won't feel sen fu but happy. cuz i m enjoying in it.

Recently, there are a lot of ppl falling in love...hahaha..actually I'm very happy to c them either having crush on someone or starting to be couple...or aimei-ing...haha...it's quite enjoyable rite guys? hahaha...I know u well...actually it's quite good to have such things happened. It brings different surprises or emotion to someone. And it also bring qi dai for u rite...it's quite good. I really hope everyone can get their own happiness. I like 2 know ppl's love stories and even how are their progresses? Hope there are getting much more good news in Sheares Hall! Good luck to u guys and girls la~No matter what, I support u k? Good frenz^.^

I m sick...sienz...cuz mid-term is coming! but nvm..it's not serious anyway...just headache and stomachahe...maybe sleep too much or sleeping disorder? not sure...but my head very painful today..and i was alone in my room...sigh...nobody I can go to...cuz many ppl were outside..but thanks to zuojin cuz gave me some pills and also dapao lunch for me...but anyway, I din eat the medicine..cuz I hate the bitter taste! It's making me unbearable when I put the pill inside my mouth><" I spent the whole day alone..almost la..not really alone..he is busy today.. But he still find me when he is free, even though it's only one minute for resting, he was still come to c me and went back to carry on his works. I feel blessful actually even though some unhappy things happened...but I know we will try our best to overcome those trivial probs..shud be trivial rite.. It's really not easy 2 maintain a relationship...It's a truth for everyone and every relationships..so I swear I wanna kick my bad habits and also eliminate my childish thinking asap otherwise our prob is still exist. I m the prob actually. I m not a good gal. Dunno how 2 spare a thought for bf...But I know I m improving...hehe..quite happy I can improve myself...I always wanna to be a princess but I know this kind of things won't happen in real life. sometimes we need to face the reality. cannot let myself keep indulging in the fantasy. ya, it's time for me to do smth for others and fu chu rite...

another thing I wanna mention is..YeeVoon, thanks for accompanying me when I was down and I need someone by my side... sometimes those pieces of advices u gave me I seriously appreciate them... Frenship is also another relationship we need to cherish...it's also not easy to maintain a frenship too..I have a lot of frens but there are really just a few good bossom frens...知己难寻啊...And 'Hiroko', try to pull urself up asap k...I worry about u these few days...stop brooding over it k...there are always a bunch of nice guys waiting for u...lolx...Haiz...my mid-term test is around the corner, I will do my best to sit for the tests. honestly, I m very 'bia' these few days...keep mugging...no time 2 watch dramas also...wuwuwu..sienz...cuz i feel sinful if I din study for the whole day... too tired...I have to replenish my energy! and make myself more healthy...i jog recently...yeevoon and also my dear acc me jogging..it's miserable when I m jogging but I feel good after I have finished jogging...I wanna keep on making my life healthy! Say no to PANDA eyes!!!

幸福背后

“越是幸福越害怕　怕它会结束　越拥抱　却越是孤独 没人了解的寂寞　我自己照顾 不想让你发现我　凌乱的脚步　我努力　跟上你的速度 不再独自感受　那幸福背后藏的辛苦”

这首歌的歌词我觉得很不错。。尤其是那句越是幸福越害怕，害怕它会结束。其实我是很快乐的。但是我觉得最近的自己越来越不像自己。以前的我不知道逃到哪里去了。我必须现在把我的心情写下来，否则我真的很不能专心。最近的生活很糟糕，有时候晚上都没有睡，早上睡到下午。感觉我再浪费时间，浪费我的人生。这样的生活真的很累，生理时钟完全颠倒。但是晚上真的很难入眠。LIFE SUCKS。。。我希望以前的我能够回来。

以前的我都是被宠的，很任性像个公主，要什么有什么，现在的我呢。。。不是说我要的得不到，也许我的要求很多，当失去一些些东西，或者是得不到我想要的要求我就觉得很不顺心。现在的爱情跟以前的很不一样。当然我知道爱情不能作比较。他有他的好。他成熟，也教会了我很多东西，我确实学到了很多。但是总觉得有什么不对劲的地方。曾在爱情里被伤害过的人或许就不回再像以前那样疯狂地去爱一个人吧。所以我必须理解他这一点。也或许我的幼稚和他的成熟成了对比，而让我感觉自己像个傻瓜。

我不喜欢小气的自己，不喜欢那么粘人的自己，不喜欢那么爱吃醋的自己，很怕有一天这些都变成了习惯，而让他觉得腻了怎么办。现在的我太幸福了，幸福到很害怕失去现在所拥有的一切。我是不是应该要克制自己。我想要什么都不去想。很多时候因为我的幼稚而让他生气了。我想要快点长大。我想要什么都不介意。想要不再小气不再吃醋。不再让占有欲变得更强。我相信我做得到吧。。。但当我做得到的时候，我很怕我那个热恋的感觉就结束了。呵呵。女人的头脑到底在装什么。。。我现在能做的就是尽量不让彼此吵架，所以到现在我们都没吵架过。他不容易生气。也蛮体贴。

现在的我是谁？我不喜欢这样。我不喜欢太爱一个人的感觉。让我觉得自己很没用。付出再多没关系，只是害怕失去。我真的很难搞叻。也许拥有很多朋友的他让我倍感压力。我的朋友没有那么多，所以有空闲时间都会空出来给他。但我并不能称自己是他的女朋友就随心所欲地去找他。因为很多时候他的朋友会在他的房间，或是很多时候他的朋友都会找他很需要他。他。。。确实并不是我一个人的。这是事实，我必须接受。不明白为什么很多人说我抢走了他？难道就不可以是他来找我吗。。。也许我住的楼层不起眼，所以每次他来找我，大家都不知道吧。很压力。

每次我都害怕自己说出小孩子的话，很怕自己作出小孩子的举动，而惹他生气。做什么都要限制自己，控制自己，还蛮辛苦的。因为我不再能随心所欲地说话。去找他之前还要想很多。而别人找男朋友时，都不需要顾虑那么多，因为女朋友有那个权利。那我的权利呢？在一起之前，或许是他比较爱我，而在一起后变得很平均，因为我的爱增加了。呵呵。像个傻瓜一样，什么都不知道，无厘头地就往深坑里面陷进去。

因为太幸福所以觉得害怕。因为学业搞得很不好所以更害怕。因为作息变得不稳定让我很担心。我必须好好努力读书了，不想辜负家人对我的期望。爱情和学业是两回事。我必须理智，好好地为我的将来奋斗。伴侣只是我人生的一部分。