Sunday, December 30, 2012

男女之间真的可以存友谊吗?

1 comments
男女之间不能存友谊吗?
对爱情越来越没有信心
也没有动力去寻找新的恋情
渐渐地习惯一个人生活
觉得单身的日子也很好
没有束缚 没有担忧 没有烦恼 也没有任何的依赖和习惯

前阵子无法适应没有他的日子
也觉得很孤单寂寞
可是其实一个人生活并没有我想象中那么难
现在的我 没办法投入真正的感情 没办法让自己再次很爱一个人
开始有点担心了 如果我一直找不到我很爱他 同时他也很爱我的人怎么办

我一直以为男生和女生之间是可以存友谊的
打打闹闹也成为了异性朋友之间非常正常的事
可是最近觉得我好像错了 
顺其自然也不再是一个最佳选择
不管什么朋友 对我来说重要的 我都不想失去
就因为不想失去 所以我选择不要和异性好朋友开始恋情
不想让独特的友情变质 我对爱情已没有信心
我在爱情里是个失败者 跟我在一起的人都无法得到幸福
所以我不想伤害别人 尤其是好朋友

友情可以是永恒的 而爱情绝对是短暂的
保持友谊关系才是真正保护彼此之间健康关系的决定
因为我不想面对失去 我承受不起同时失去好朋友和情人的伤痛
太过了解彼此 少了些许火花和神秘感
相处太过舒适太过于稳定太像家人 就无法开始热恋的关系
也许那不是爱情 而是占有欲 也或者只是习惯 像家人一样的习惯
我害怕 害怕任何改变 害怕受伤 更害怕伤害别人
请原谅我

看过一篇文章 我完全同意 觉得很有意思
这个世上 很多人都从陌生人到朋友
从朋友到暧昧 从暧昧到热恋
热恋后就转入舒适阶段 从舒适阶段到稳定
再从稳定到吵架期 然后到分手 最后从分手变回陌生人
这都是一个循环 太奇妙了 这现实也太残酷了

可是一旦认清也接受这世界的残酷 自然也会变得不想谈恋爱了
不再像以前对爱情有很深的憧憬 
我的人生其实也没有后悔
我遇到了两个让我很爱的男人 爱的方式不同
可是他们都占据了我人生很大的部分
在那两段感情里 我学到了很多 
我一定要努力紧记那些教训
单身万岁!要加油!



Tuesday, October 23, 2012

My Heart Is Painful Every Night...

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It's My Feeling Right Now

0 comments

Sunday, October 14, 2012

女人该懂的

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当跟他在一起时
他希望我去上班或出门常打扮自己 好让自己更加自信
可是我却天真以为只要他爱我就不会介意这些
我错了 就算跟一个人在一起很久也要时时刻刻打扮自己
现在的社会都是现实的
如果不好好打扮自己 让自己越来越胖 只会被嫌弃

现在的我做到了
每天上班打扮自己 出门一定要穿得得体
可是又如何?谁又懂得欣赏?
不过至少让我比较自信

Monday, October 8, 2012

最近。。。

0 comments
最近觉得我几乎被自己征服了
慢慢可以控制自己该走的路
控制自己的情绪和想法
也很少再做有关他的梦
很少一醒来就想消失的情绪

也许我心里已经接受这个事实
接受他爱上她的事实
接受他不爱我的事实
接受我们已经分手的事实

好不容易来到第二个阶段
我花了快三个月才从第一个阶段来到第二个阶段
我还需要多久才到第三个阶段
我想要move on
还想要重拾对感情的信心
还要让自己看开
我需要很多很多的努力来让自己完全康复
而你 又曾了解我的痛楚?

我爱我自己 所以我想尽办法让自己快乐
虽然有时不是真正的快乐
而这世上又有多少个人是真正,不用伪装地快乐呢?
每个人都在戴着面具而活
无论是工作,友情,爱情还是生活技巧
就算在家人面前还是要戴着面具,假装没事,假装很快乐
唯独这样才能使身边的人都快乐

我人生的新目标是做完美的人
虽然是个无法完成的目标可是它会是个很好的动力
还有一个目标就是让身边的人快乐
因为伤心和痛苦是个非常让人想离开这世界的感觉
我不想我身边的人受着我所经历的痛

我很佩服自己 竟然可以超越自我
成为现在的这个自己
一个人也可以很快乐 只是还是会寂寞
虽然很寂寞孤单 遇到难题和挫折也没有人可以分享 只能自己掉泪,解决
可是至少不会受到伤害,不会经历那种拥有了却失去了的感觉
痛,是因为最心爱的东西被一个后来才出现的人抢走
那种感觉是身不如死

爱情都是这样的
一开始很爱很爱 最后一定会淡去
那我们又何必谈恋爱呢?
那只是在浪费时间浪费精神
不是吗?

犀利人妻是很好的激励性电视剧
蓝天蔚是个很好的推动者
这世界这么大 而我曾经看到却只有男朋友这么小的东西
我要多看看这世界 让自己变得更好
最好的报复就是成功 我想像谢安真一样让人敬佩

其实我很好奇
我以为看过犀利人妻的人就不会去破坏别人的感情
去当别人的小三 去抢别人的男人
原来不是每个人都可以领悟里面的痛
如果她能领悟 就不会在我们还在一起时跟他搞暧昧
他就像温瑞凡,过去的他和现在的他在比赛
不过他没那么严重 只是让我觉得他变得不一样了
虽然他总是不同意 可是不好意思,我相信女人的直觉

变心了就是变心了,就承认吧
不要再说什么我的错,我变了,我不信任你之类的
爱会变成恨,这句话是你教我的,现在我感受到了

分手后我们之间发生的事
有些我可以算了 有些我永远忘不了
就像是我人生的伤疤
永远都没办法磨灭

老天爷,我只希望我的努力会被您看到
也可以感受到我真心地改变
我诚心希望我的下一任是我最后一任了
而且是个我爱他,他也很爱我的另一半
我要的幸福是那么地简单
我领悟了
也明白男人需要什么,不需要什么
我想让最后一个他觉得他得到我是最幸福,最正确的选择。

潘紫玫,加油!!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Betraying mentally is much more miserable than betraying physically

4 comments
Recently I watch "The Fierce Wife"(犀利人妻) drama as my friend(who also his friend) suggested me to watch it.
He says it will be useful for me to get through this period.

Yes, I can understand. I, myself, also make this kind of mistake in my life.
A person who fall in love accidentally with someone else, will never ever realized the mistake, won't admit and eventually push the fault to the other half.
The person will find the other half getting more annoying, and find the girl who suddenly appeared in his/her life more attractive and understand him.

He/She will start finding excuses to love the new one, I know, it's not on purpose, people just follow their heart and forgotten the other half who always stood by them.
When a person loving two persons at same time, eventually he will choose the latter, cuz if he loved the first one, he wouldn't fall in love with the latter.

He wouldn't admit it forever. But I could feel it when I was tgt with him.
His eyes when looking at her, is different from looking at me, it's so much gentler, and also keep searching where she is during the award lunch.
His expression is so much happier and blissful when sms with her, travel with her in Phuket, hang out with her.
His worries about her when in JB, when she got molested in MRT, when she wanna take MRT back around 9pm++...and so forth...
His sharing of McDonald promotion with her, instead of with me..
He keeps sms-ing when dating with me, when I was just stand beside him..
He keeps mentioning her in front of me which I find it miserable..but he looked so happy..
He requested me wear formally to work which exactly same as how she wears, but for my job, I don't need this, cuz working in lab..He just couldn't understand..

There were so much changes after he worked. We used to be really sweet and innocent couple.
Maybe it's just one-sided love from the beginning.
I felt the happiness and his cares, maybe he couldn't?

From the drama, I realized too much concerns for someone is just another kind of stress to him.
Too good to someone will make him more take it for granted. He wouldn't appreciate.
People likes 新鲜感。But I totally disagree with this.
We should learn to accept simple n plain life after 热恋期,and be loyal to our other half
We should not keep pursuing 新鲜感,like that how to settle down? how to build a healthy family?
I just want a healthy and simple family like what I possess from my parents now.
Or maybe I am too picky, making myself suffer.
I always fall in love with someone who doesn't suitable for me and I couldn't make them love me deeply too.
Maybe I should really choose someone who loves me more than I do.

Love cannot be forced. Betray mentally is much more serious than betray physically.
Well, I experienced both in my previous two relationships.
Now I realized, betray mentally makes me much more miserable, cuz he wouldn't come back to me.
His love, his concerns, his worries, his gentleness, his everything, even his body, also belong to her.
Well, for betray physically, he still come back to me cuz he still love me, concerns me,worry about me.
But of course, I wouldn't forgive both.

My life is so "happening". Any kind of hurts also happen to me and make me experience it.
Betraying is too horrible. My heart couldn't take it anymore.
I just want a simple love and life. I could feel that I do really grew up from this hurtful relationship.
It's too much for me, really... Please, no more please...

I just wish to be happy...


Saturday, September 15, 2012

寂寞寂寞就好

0 comments
Yesterday I visited a friend at her condo, we went to gym together.
She chatted with me and gave me some advices.
After that we went for groceries shopping with her bf tgt.
When I walked halfway, my slippers spoilt.
Her bf was very nice, let me wore his slippers and he walked on feet.
She was very happy that her bf is a kind and good person.
After groceries shopping, 3 of us cooked together.
Both of them good at cooking, though they bickered sometimes,
but to me, they are a sweet couple.
How I wish I could also find my true love.
A guy who willing to cook with his loved one, is really a wonderful man.
QiuPing, congrats! You have found a nice man, cherish him.

After the meal, I went back alone around 10pm ++.
Waited bus alone, listened to the musics in my phone alone, and felt the loneliness once again.
寂寞寂寞就好。Yes, I always console myself with this.
I can stand with my loneliness, I don't mind doing things alone, I can be independent.
It's just I don't like the feeling of losing something important in my life, and now it's with someone else.
It makes me even more lonely when I am alone.

I have been trying hard to occupy my time fully.
I don't wish to have extra time to remember those sweet memories.
And also the mistakes that both of us done.
He was wrong, but so do I. I also did something regretful and unforgivable.
Well, I really wish to move on... but how?

指望

0 comments
怕不怕被拒絕 怕不怕被省略
你怕不怕被淪落在宿命中妥協

當真愛宣告從缺
驕傲的玫瑰正一片一片枯萎
儘管你抱歉 懺悔
真心一旦墜跌 就不能飛

別指望我諒解 別指望我體會
愛不是點頭就能挽回
快樂或傷悲 沒什麼分別
心碎到終點會迎刃而解
別指望我諒解 別指望我體會
愛不是注定要填你的缺
太多的是非 來不及杜絕
更不想依戀這殘缺的美
殘缺的迂迴

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Break Down Again

4 comments
I am sick today, not feeling well.
Just went to see doctor alone, bought my lunch alone, walked alone, listened to the music alone...
Even though I also doing these when attached, but the feeling now is much more miserable
No one to share with, my tears, my joy, my sadness, any kind of my feeling.
Used to have him as my companion, but now he is no longer belongs to me but someone else.

Once again, I am shedding tears while eating porridge. It's tasteless and plain, just like my heart.
I have been living like this for more than one month.
How to get through all these? How I wish I can get over it right now and move on.
I'd been trying hard to hang out with friends, teach tuition, work, read, chat with friends etc
But seems like I could not escape from this agony

I'd been pretending I am fine without him in front of him.
He concerned me as a friend, shared with me his progress with her
Do u know HOW SUFFER AND MISERABLE AM I when I listened to all these and even gave him advices?
I was so dumb, when can I really love myself more than anyone else?
We were so steady and sweet, even get along with each other's family well, thought of getting married with him too.
I love him so much, I regret that I put too much effort in this relationship.

I am not a fool, even if he denied the fact forever, I still trust my intuition and the truth I saw.
When the girl took initiative to attract his attention, he should resist and should not give themselves any chances to develop the feeling if he really want to commit our relationship.

长痛不如短痛
If we were still dragging, I would be more miserable than now?
I have to be tactful all the times, be worrying about losing him everyday, dreamed of his leaving with another girl every night
Now, all these happened, nothing more for me to lose, and worry, should I see it as a positive thing?

Getting into a relationship is just too tired.
I have been hurt again and again..
Where is my Mr. Right in my life? If you appeared earlier, I wouldn't be so suffered right now as I wouldn't meet him and fall in love with him.
It's so hurtful.
Living in agony makes me doesn't feel like waking up anymore, don't want to talk and smile.

I want to gain back my REAL smile. But when..?




Friday, August 31, 2012

假裝不愛

0 comments
原來假裝的感覺是如此痛苦 明明還很愛 卻為了彼此見面不尷尬而假裝不在乎不愛了 這種感覺是如此辛苦 以為真的會不在乎 可是得知他跟我分手後跟別的女人單獨約會 我就覺得自己很傻 對方已經不在乎我了 不愛我了 我還在這裏傷心幹嘛呢?他和別的女人多麽開心 哪還需要我 我像個傻瓜一直努力逞強 現在卻再一次崩潰 看到他把我們的relationship status拿掉了我就失望 徹底沒有希望了 我為何還抱希望。真是無知 如果他真的愛我就不會那麽輕易放棄我們的感情 請看清楚這一點。。。

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

A Penny for My Thought 17/7/2012

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There are so much uncomfortable and miserable feeling hidden underneath
But I have to force myself to keep all these feelings to myself
I do not want to publicize either but what way else I can express my feeling to the person concerned?
People tend to care about their face, image and reputation, but how about the person who always stood by you?

I do appreciate the good parts people given... I can accept any other weak points too
but if the weak point is the thing that hurt me so deep until all the happiness brought to me were buried,
this part of my life would become meaningless and all the efforts for the happiness will be ruin in vain

When saw almost halve of the photos were those I hate to see and I most scared to see,
my heart beat stopped for 1 second...
As I never expected the people I love so much, I care about so much, and I tolerate so much,
was the person who always minger with opposite sex friends and he was the only guy
People say that guy who always join girls' group looks "gay" and also very HamJi(Hamsap?)
I really do not want the people I love have such image to others 
It's not about the trust, it's not I worry that he will leave me
It's respect and fidelity to another half/relationship

There were so many people out there asked me about it
And most of the people saying that if they were me they will be upset and have no faith in this guy
Regardless how upset was I, I still have to pretend nothing JUST to protect his reputation and convince myself so that I can get rid of the fear hidden underneath since long ago

Could you really feel how hurt was that feeling? You couldn't. But I hope you could.
I don't know how many disappointments I have to collect to make myself leave you naturally 
Till the day that a sincerely guy who really know what both we should do to have a pleasant relationship appears in my life? Maybe yes. Maybe not. Nobody knows.

I know I have to focus on the positive parts. Yes, I did. I can accept any negative parts except for this. Do you really understand how hurtful is these actions to me? I know you did not do anything over the boundary, but both of us should aware of these intimate interactions with opposite sex friends, shouldn't we?

I am not controlling you. I just want to share with you the thing you do that make me annoyed and have negative feeling towards you. I don't want such feeling occur inside my heart. I do not want to leave you but I don't know how to make you aware of it naturally so that you won't feel that you are the only one who is right.

I am not the one who always wrong. Especially when majority agree with it, you should start to do soul research that whether the thing you did and you thought was really correct? When people reached the climax part of their life, they tend to neglect the feeling of the close people around them and start to enjoy the excitement with the new comers in their life. Those who always by their side, they would be taken for granted. 

Sometimes I have the urge to tell you how I feel when I saw those photos, but I still couldn't bring myself up
As I can foresee what will you answer and what will happen eventually
You will be the one who conquer and dominate and I am the one who say sorry to salvage the bad condition
Even if we patch up after the communication or so-called argument, the situation will be unfavorable to me
You will be cool and DAO me, group chat with your colleagues or friends
No more sweet talk to me or concerns to me

You always expect me to grow tough by myself
Yes, I could... if you also treat me nice naturally as usual
Don't keep changing your attitude towards me, it's really unbearable sometimes
Who am I to you? I feel the bomb underneath gonna burst anytime..anywhere..to anyone...

Love is blind.. But once fell in love, there is no turning back
Unless one of them was really broken heart and really couldn't stay strong in the relationship
I would still try..even though I really don't like to open one eye close one eye
but for the sake of our relationship, I have to do so.
Even though there was nothing happened actually, but I really find those photos caused my eyesore.
It's just an unpleasant feeling, it's not about trust.

TREAT THE PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED

If you really think that you will be alright when I do the same thing as yours...
Fine, I will just do. Sometimes keeping your face, will only lost your usual self and also your love ones...


Friday, May 4, 2012

习惯一个人生活

0 comments
曾经我很努力地尝试一个人生活
失败了很多次 最后做到了 可是我离开了他
现在 以为无法再习惯一个人生活
没想到一年后 我做到了
从以前的甜蜜 偶尔的小惊喜
到转捩点的难过受伤 
如今现在心踏实多了 习惯了
以前我总是很知足 不敢要求太多
可是却听某人说 我应该想要什么就说出来 对自己好一点
我听话了 学会了
可是现在 一切就好像回到过去一样
我不再敢奢望 要求 没有人会真正理解我的感受
跟我交往过的人 都以为我在要求 在控制对方
为何对方不想想其实 我只是需要尊重
情侣之间 除了信任 尊重也是很重要

刚开始在一起 觉得自己像个小公主
觉得自己是全世界最幸福的人
以前总可以好好沟通
把心里的不满说出来 大家的感情才能进步
现在我却要学会隐藏自己的委屈
男人 总可以在生气的时候欺负我
对我不理睬 不管我 也不想念我
但我生气的时候呢?男人可曾担心我会离开?答案是--没有
所以男人总在失去时才来后悔 我只能说 一切都太迟

也许有句话真的很对 不是谁变了
而是在一起久了 真正的个性就原形毕露了
我们就得适应真实个性的彼此 才能生活下去
一开始的甜蜜 幸福 都不是彼此真正的个性
都是为了给彼此好印象 让彼此开心 才做出来的牺牲
我自己也是 以为自己在新的感情里 可以很豁达 不在乎对方
毕竟在上段感情的后期 我是做到了
没想到 原来我能做到的原因 是因为我已经不爱他了

现在那种感觉又回来了 让自己变得不能随心所欲地说出自己想说的事
有什么不满要忍受不能让对方知道 也开始不能有要求了
对方也不再为自己制造偶尔的小惊喜 反倒是自己开始学会了
我每天都在提醒自己:“紫玫,你以为你是谁?这样已经很好了,你还能要求什么呢?你有什么本事让男人为了你一个平凡的女人不对其他女人好?你凭什么?以前的男朋友不是对女人更好吗?你都这样忍过来了,这又算什么呢?”
做人好累 我知道我没有安全感 可是很多情况不是我敏感而已
我与朋友倾诉 她们都觉得那样做不对 所以 为什么现在是我在道歉?

真正难过的是 伤心的是我 难过难受的也是我
掉眼泪 没办法做其他事情的是我
可是在掉泪的我 却一直假装没事地哄对方开心
我觉得 真的好辛苦 好难过
我知道 我就像个小孩
不像其他女人那么本事 那么成熟
可是我这样有什么不好?至少我不会害人 不会乱骂人

很想回到刚开始在一起的时候 我喜欢那时候的他多一点
他工作后 变了很多 也不再把我放在重要的位置了
对他而言 工作是第一
我是很支持他的 可是他无法平衡工作与爱情
现在的他很多事情都不告诉我 不跟我说
所以也不能怪我为何每次疑神疑鬼
如果他什么事都告诉我 不用我问 也会与我分享
那我还需要担心什么吗?我还会看他电话吗?
有时发短信也是鬼鬼祟祟的 出去看个电影 也在发短信
对 为了工作 可是也在跟同事聊天
不是怀疑什么 而是 我觉得我这个女朋友 连他的同事都不如
工作第一 同事第二 floorball也是排行前面 我呢?还需要我吗?
也许 之前太粘了 让他腻了吧

两个人在一起 必须要坦白 我很希望他可以主动多跟我分享他的事
我就不需要担心了 也不会让他有被控制的感觉
我们在一起 不是我一个人牺牲 就能长久的 我会累 会厌倦
我想找回那个自信的自己 很想解脱
很想找朋友一起去玩 让自己不要那么爱他
我太了解自己 当我越来越爱一个人 我就会变得痛苦 肯定是个输家
因为越在乎 只会让自己越失去自我

我只希望有个稳定的感情 让人羡慕的爱情
我们能做到的 不是吗?
像平时那样甜甜蜜蜜不行吗?
他越来越大男人 我不喜欢。。。
太久没情趣的话 我怕我的感觉有一天 会失去
不希望会有这一天 
希望自己 可以更幸福

Saturday, March 31, 2012

回忆,真的很难忘掉

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回忆又回来了
有些事情是想忘也忘不了的
爱情像难收的腹水
我永远都成为不了别人最爱的那个
以前天真地以为是对方成熟
其实是不够爱我 那不是真爱 是习惯

以前他没什么上传我们的合照
现在却每天在fb示爱
我是不爱他了 可是心里还是不是滋味
因为已经没有借口了
他以前并不是真的爱我。。。
心。。。很痛。。。很痛

虽然这些都是表面的东西
可是女生心里总是会拿过去比较
以前的她享有的权利和东西
为什么我也不能有呢?

谈恋爱真的很烦

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Don't Let Insecurity Ruin The Beauty You Were Born With.

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Recently, I'd set this picture as my desktop background as my daily self-reminder.
Ariel, you must stop doing soul-searching only but not taking any actions.
You must set a target for yourself in order to improve yourself to become a better woman for your man. He is worth for you to do so, isn't he?
I have faith in him but I lack of self-confidence. I always think highly of others but not of myself.
He is very capable in his career and always possess a positive mindset.
He is attractive as well and I know there are many butterflies around him.
Honestly, I feel insecure sometimes but also quite proud of myself because he's been loyal to me.
You proved my decision is right. :)



Though sometimes I force you to act cute with me but you never said NO :)
You poor thing. LOL
Well, I like the way you look noob.
I like the photos you edited for me and emailed to me.
I like the emails you wrote to me and I still remember every single words you mentioned in the emails.
I also hope we would love each other till we grow old.
Maintaining a relationship is not an easy task for anyone in this world.
I believe true love and my sincerity could change me to be a better woman for you...
and you will always be there for me, aren't you?

I always clear that there is not only love is important in my life.
Family, friendship and career are always my priorities too.
I hope I can balance everything well and also work hard for my own future.
I must try to think positively and be more optimistic.
There is a long way to go...
Jiayou Ariel! You can do it! ^_^


Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The Piano Tuner trailer (Find out the ending from the beginning)

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Friday, January 27, 2012

祝你幸福

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看见你找到适合你自己的幸福
我也替你感到高兴

我也希望自己的幸福可以一直不断地保持下去
大家都要幸福!

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