Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Break Down Again

I am sick today, not feeling well.
Just went to see doctor alone, bought my lunch alone, walked alone, listened to the music alone...
Even though I also doing these when attached, but the feeling now is much more miserable
No one to share with, my tears, my joy, my sadness, any kind of my feeling.
Used to have him as my companion, but now he is no longer belongs to me but someone else.

Once again, I am shedding tears while eating porridge. It's tasteless and plain, just like my heart.
I have been living like this for more than one month.
How to get through all these? How I wish I can get over it right now and move on.
I'd been trying hard to hang out with friends, teach tuition, work, read, chat with friends etc
But seems like I could not escape from this agony

I'd been pretending I am fine without him in front of him.
He concerned me as a friend, shared with me his progress with her
Do u know HOW SUFFER AND MISERABLE AM I when I listened to all these and even gave him advices?
I was so dumb, when can I really love myself more than anyone else?
We were so steady and sweet, even get along with each other's family well, thought of getting married with him too.
I love him so much, I regret that I put too much effort in this relationship.

I am not a fool, even if he denied the fact forever, I still trust my intuition and the truth I saw.
When the girl took initiative to attract his attention, he should resist and should not give themselves any chances to develop the feeling if he really want to commit our relationship.

If we were still dragging, I would be more miserable than now?
I have to be tactful all the times, be worrying about losing him everyday, dreamed of his leaving with another girl every night
Now, all these happened, nothing more for me to lose, and worry, should I see it as a positive thing?

Getting into a relationship is just too tired.
I have been hurt again and again..
Where is my Mr. Right in my life? If you appeared earlier, I wouldn't be so suffered right now as I wouldn't meet him and fall in love with him.
It's so hurtful.
Living in agony makes me doesn't feel like waking up anymore, don't want to talk and smile.

I want to gain back my REAL smile. But when..?


clairine said...

i am glad that you have made your decision ,Definitely,is GOOD for you.. i been though like complicated relationship b4.. i bet you know it. its awful. but nw, mostly important is find something u really interested and work on it..Dun think so much though, then MR.RIGHT will automatically comes to you =) jia you. that"S what i do last time =P

cH33_m31 said...

already broke up for more than 1 month,
but i still can't get over him..
sigh so tough..

Chocolynne said...

Start anew cheemei.. It's the thought that overrides ur emotional feelings, stop thinking and distract urself from the grieve by doing anything that would make u happy.. However don't be disappointed by the past 2 relationships, u haven't met the one who really cherish you yet. *sayang

cH33_m31 said...

I tot this one would be different from the last one. But nothing is impossible. Ppl do change when come to another stage. Sigh. What's my problem? I m getting more disappointed.

Post a Comment

About me

My photo
Let nature takes its course

cH33m31_/Castle\_ Design by Insight © 2009